||[Aug. 14th, 2007|02:33 pm]
two t's 'cuz I'm too fat.
|||||The sizzle of my army of George Foreman grills||]|
As many of you are already aware, I have been lending my patent voice to many a cartoon show lately. [Courage the Cowardly Dog, Southpark to name a few.] This is only one of my many forays into Hollywood, but more on THAT later.
Long story short, the other day the director of a feature children's serial told me I sounded "too fat", I nearly threw my ice cream at hit and screamed "What?! I'm Fat Fucking Bob! What do you expect?!" But I didn't. But I did eat the ice cream, the entire wheelbarrow of it as he harangued me on needing a voice coach or to lose about ten meters of girth. He said they were looking for the sound of 'rolly polly fat' and not 'gorged on an Olympus Mons of Soft Pretzels fat'. I nearly corrected him again, as I was eating hard pretzels, you know those really great Belgium wasabi flavoured ones. Anyway, as I'm such a shy fellow, I just nodded and told him I'd see what I could do.
Now normally I cannot even say the word diet without consequently ordering 12 large snail and pineapple pizzas, and I had trouble typing it without delving into my shoulder pack for my chocolate covered dodo eggs. But it has to be said, Fat Bob is on a diet. And being that I really have no idea about nutrition or even what that word means [did I even type it correctly? Wait whats that word again??!], I decided to go the most logical route and have started the Atkins Diet.
This brings me to my question: Is an entire horse [seared and stuffed with a turkey stuffed with a chicken stuffed with a game-hen stuffed with a pigeon stuffed with a big mac sans bun] Atkins friendly? Its free of bread so its game right?
I'd ask the personal chef I just hired, but he has been committed to an asylum because I had him help edit my soon to be published cookbook. He wouldn't stop muttering 'Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn', whatever that means.
HELP ME PLEASE, I'M REALLY HUNGRY